What Could I Have Done?
There is not one person who is not affected by the loss of someone we love and it is very rare that we don’t know someone who died from suicide. Tuesday was World Suicide Prevention Day. A day set aside to provide worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicides around the globe. As a pastor, people always ask me what my thoughts are about suicide.
This is one of those topics that we don’t really want to talk about and yet the death by suicide rate has a ripple effect touching not just those who died, but family, friends and community surrounding the death. Here are some statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:
People from every class, race, status, age, success, and gender die from suicide.
In 2017, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts in the United States.
In 2017, 47,173 Americans died by suicide. 1,327 of those deaths happened in Arizona.
In Arizona, on average, one person dies by suicide every seven hours.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US.
These numbers are staggering, sad, and overwhelming and yet they are a part of our everyday culture. For those touched by the death of someone they know and love by suicide the questions include “Why did this happen?” to “What could I have done?” The questions are often left without answers.
Suicide of my friends has broken my heart. I have asked those hard questions and been left with empty answers. I have sat next to family and friends who grieve the loss of the person they love asking those hard questions. Each person wishing that their loved one had made a different decision or that they could have changed the outcome in some way. I wish that I could give them the answer. I wish that I could explain why…but I can’t.
I don’t know the answer to end suicide, I wish I did. But I do know that we are called as community for each other for such a time as this. We must be a community who recognizes the power of relationships. We are made for relationships with God and with each other and there is no connection with another person that isn’t important and valuable. You make a difference in individual lives when you ask how they are doing, when you smile, share a hug and offer to listen. These moments matter.
In our busy world we often run past these significant experiences and forget their value. But I promise you each one of these moments makes a difference in someone else’s life. While relationships and community don’t prevent suicide they make it far less likely. Spend more time with the people you love. Take time to share experiences with people you don’t know as well. Letting people know that they matter, are valued and treated with dignity and respect changes lives. And if you have lost someone to suicide, know that those moments that you shared with that person mattered.
Always be aware of the people around you who are depressed, hurting, isolated and lonely. While there is no one single cause or factor for suicide there are things that we can all be aware of:
Pay attention when someone is talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless, having no purpose, being in unbearable pain, acting reckless, sleeping too little or too much, withdrawing, showing rage, increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
Ask questions.
Encourage the person to talk to someone.
Listen.
Don’t be afraid to ask someone if they are feeling lost or sad enough to hurt themselves. That bold question could save their life.
Most importantly, always remember that you are loved. Each person is loved by God. No matter what anyone does or says, God loves them. Just because a person dies by suicide doesn’t mean they won’t go to heaven or that God doesn’t want them anymore. There is nothing we can do to separate ourselves from the love of Jesus.
I encourage you to love each other, support each other and if you or someone you know is having thoughts about suicide please call me, call a friend, call the National Suicide Prevention hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always remember YOU are important, valued and loved. We need you in this world. You are all in my prayers.