Transitions can be difficult- especially after a six-month quarantine! As children are returning to school and getting back into their rhythm it can feel like a struggle getting out of the house in the morning. At school, children are navigating social roles with their classmates as they take turns, negotiate play ideas, and include others in their work. For all these moments, and more, Conscious Discipline provides a framework for both children and adults to be successful.

Conscious Discipline fosters the development of emotional intelligence through a comprehensive system backed by neuroscience and child development. It offers a shift from traditional punishments by empowering both adults and children strategies to handle their emotions. Perhaps the most fundamental, and simple, of these strategies is: BREATHE.  

Sounds easy, right? Actually, it can be harder than you might think. Your oldest just logged on to their remote schooling and the internet is acting up; meanwhile, your preschooler is having a hard time getting dressed for school because he wanted to wear his favorite shirt which is currently in the hamper and your spouse is trying to work from home and probably hiding in the back of the house desperately searching for some quiet. Can you feel the adrenaline kick in? The sense of urgency that slowly morphs into frustration? Often, we begin to take in less oxygen as our stress increases.

Children behave similarly when they are placed in emotionally challenging situations- a toy has been taken away, they are not able to have something they wanted, or they are having a difficult time waiting. Taking a breath is like pushing the pause button so that you can consciously respond instead of unconsciously react. When children take deep breaths, they shut off their “flight or fight” system, their adrenaline slowly subsides, and they can restore calm.

Deep breathing, or “belly breathing,” signals your brain to calm down and sends a message for your body to relax. Your heart rate begins to slow, and your blood pressure returns to normal. By contrast, shallow breathing or “chest breathing” limits the diaphragm’s range of motion and limits the amount of oxygenated air in the lowest parts of the lungs which can lead to shortness of breath and anxiety.  

Conscious Discipline offers a few deep breathing choices with picture images, so they are easier for children to remember: S.T.A.R, Balloon, Pretzel, and Drain.

S.T.A.R. breathing encourages three deep breaths as children Smile, Take a deep breath, And Relax. You can help direct their attention to their belly breathing, where they tummy goes out when the air goes in, and in when the air goes out. It is also helpful to help children learn to exhale slower than they inhale.

For Balloon breathing, children place their hands on top of their head and interlace their fingers. As they breathe in through their nose, they raise their arms and inflate their imaginary balloon. They exhale slowly, releasing the air in their balloon by lowering their arms and relaxing their body. It is helpful (and fun!) to have them make a “pbpbpb” sound for dramatic effect as the balloon flies away.

Drain breathing brings awareness to the whole body. Children extend their arms out, pretending their arms are the faucets, then tighten their arms, shoulders, and face muscles and slowly exhale making a “shh” sound to release all their muscles and draining out the stress.

Pretzel breathing also engages the whole body as children stand up and cross their ankles, cross their right wrist over the left and turn their hands so thumbs are facing the floor and palms are together with fingers interlaced. They then bend their elbows out and gently turn their hands down and toward their body until rested on the center of the chest. Remind them to put their tongue on the roof of their mouth, relax, and breathe.

It is useful to introduce the breathing techniques in a playful way, outside of emotional situations. That way, children already have a foundation to pull from when they find themselves upset. Although the pictures are intended for children, there is no age limit on the benefits of deep breathing (and it might be the best way to make it through the rest of 2020). Remember the airplane rule- put your oxygen mask on first, and then help others.

Take a deep breath. You’ve got this.